The past weekend I moved to an apartment in Evanston. Three stories up with no elevator. We were too stubborn to hire movers and a part of me thinks we might always be. Maybe that’s okay. My sister, brother-in-law and I have spent a decade helping one another with moves, so at this point we’re pros right?
I talked myself out of this move so many times. Four years ago I moved back to Chicago in Edgewater ending my marriage. I needed to be near my sister and I’ve spent the past four years within two miles of that area. The past two have been in Lincoln Square, and this past one has been with my best friend. There were a lot of times I told myself I couldn’t live with her and that it wouldn’t work, but it did, so much so that we’ve arranged for a weekly hangout swearing not to grow too far apart.
We got to know the area and we have our favorite places. There’s Quick Bite, Jimmy’s Pizza, Shelly’s, Garcia’s, Yogurt Square, Rolls & Bolls, Lou Malnati’s, and so much more within walking or delivery distance. Events are nonstop throughout the summer: festivals, farmer’s markets, and live music nights. A week or two ago there were bubbles in the fountain of Lincoln Square!
We’re a long walk or a short bus ride from the beach. The days where we would lay on the beach and pour wine into our plastic cups, people watch, talk, sit in silence, nap, snack… those are some of my favorite memories.
So, why did I move? I could have easily spent a few more years rooming with my best friend, but not without another area of my life suffering. Before I offered to take the place of her supposed-to-be roommate that bailed two weeks before they were supposed to move in, I let her know that at the end of our lease I would likely be moving in with my boyfriend. We had already been together almost a year and in my mind it made sense.
A year came and part of me wanted to change my mind, tell my boyfriend too bad I’m staying! I also kept trying to convince them that all of us should move in together.Up until the week before I still debated if I was making the right decision, but I cannot put into words how grateful I am to have Thom as a partner.
He stepped into my life at a very dark point. I was sick, my father was dying, and I was really manic. He was patient, he brought the light, and he has become the calm to my chaos. He’s willing to wait for the whirlwind to pass and for me to come to my senses and realize that I’m being unfair.
What’s even more important than all that is that we talk. We went through my concerns about moving in one by one. He wasn’t mad or upset even though it was only a month before we were going to make the leap, instead he agreed that this conversation had to happen. I spent a lot of my adult life voiceless in intimate relationships. I could complain to friends and family about all sorts of issues, but I never had the balls to sit down and work through it with someone.
Recently I came across a great post about relationships through the reader. Matt’s post “What To Do When Your Spouse Isn’t Your Soulmate” struck a chord with me. It came at the time I needed it and affirmed what I already knew. I have an amazing relationship with a wonderful man, and it is mine to lose. I intend to hold on tight instead.
So, here we are in our third floor apartment with our three needy cats and our two happy hearts.